


Have I found you, flightless bird? Jealous, weeping...

by Tidalstep



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But here I am writing, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Help - Freeform, I just want to sleep, Its 5 am send help please, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Langst, M/M, Okay there’s some fluff but it’s mostly angst, One Sided Attraction, Other, Polyamory, Unrequited Love, and a masochist too clearly because hello I write this stuff too heh, at this point I’m tired depressed and venting through Lance again what else is new, enjoy this un beta’d garbage while I get some Rest, good lord just take it it’s angst again, im a sadist okay spare me, im sorry I project into Lance and hurt him but he’s my stan okay I gotta, lord help me I need Jesus, nothing that’s what, okay enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-26
Updated: 2017-09-26
Packaged: 2019-01-05 17:21:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12194325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tidalstep/pseuds/Tidalstep
Summary: “I’ve never been more glad to eat a meme in my entire life,” Lance muttered, chewing happily on a garlic drenched piece of heaven.“How many memes can one even eat?” Keith questioned. Shiro chuckled in response while Lance gave him a sly smirk.“Any meme is edible if you’re brave enough, Mullet.”Keith choked on his soda and Lance burst out laughing, Shiro shaking his head and helping Keith breathe again while Lance was wheezing in the corner.-a note that I suck at summaries, sorry-





	Have I found you, flightless bird? Jealous, weeping...

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I’m back again don’t let the summary fool you though while it’s shitty to me there’s self projected vent angst in there so please have a fun time screaming at me afterwards :) Title is from the song “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” by Iron & Wine. Though, personally, a song I relate to heavily especially with this vent work is Not In That Way by Sam Smith so listen to those while reading, I guess??? 
> 
> Ps. I do not own Voltron or any of the characters mentioned all I own really is my own suffering and sadomaso writing drive so I hope you like it enjoy lmao

Lance was completely and undeniably screwed, at that point. The reason- well, reasons for his downfall started a few months back, when he was just getting over Nyma and, ugh, Lotor. 

Lotor was a mess of it’s own and Nyma… he didn’t want to cry any harder. Lance had sat on his bathroom floor in the dark, shaking with silent sobs and heart clenching in his chest, looking back on everything that happened and texting it out to Keith and Shiro in a group chat. 

You: I just feel so abandoned, how could she not like these looks? 

Lance laughed hollowly; a complete lie, he could think of at least twelve reasons why but each one made him sob harder. 

Wheat Mullet (Keith): Lance if she’s just going to cast you aside then she isn’t worth it 

Shiro: Keith has a point, for once. I mean, Keith and I are happy together, but only because we moved on from our exes together. You just have to find the one. 

Lance scoffed, but smiled anyways. 

Me: easy for you two to say, you’re like the power gym couple that everybody wishes they could be 

Wheat Mullet (Keith): … 

Shiro: okay how about you come over and we watch some movies and order a pizza? 

Lance thought it over. On one hand, he just wanted to sit there and pout, but on the other he knew he couldn’t deny that. He needed the company after everything that went on the month before. 

Me: sure! Just give me 15 I’ll be right over 

With that, Lance had made himself look considerably less like a widowed vodka aunt and more like a classy yet suffering wine mom and headed to Shiro’s. 

While he went there, he thought some stuff over. The past month Keith and Shiro had been there for him through everything from being with Nyma to the falling out of that and he was grateful. In that time they had finally gotten together after years of painfully obvious pining while in their own relationship hells. Took them long enough Lance had thought, but something stirred in him the first time. 

At one point a while back, he had a crush on Shiro for a bit which admittedly didn’t last long because everyone has a crush on Shiro at least once, but then he started liking Keith and fell out with Nyma and everything was an emotional train wreck for him. He thought he’d gotten over that, so he was feeling pretty confident that he could watch movies and be generally okay with the both of them that night. 

If only god didn’t hate him. 

Soon after he had arrived, they ordered pizza and put on The Princess Bride at Lance’s request. Keith and Shiro gave him a look at his movie choice but his counter was a shrug followed by “don’t tell me you don’t love it too because I know you do.” At that they promptly shut up and pressed play, waiting for their pizza. 

Quarter through the movie, the doorbell rang and Shiro went to answer, returning with two large pizzas and breadsticks. 

“I’ve never been more glad to eat a meme in my entire life,” Lance muttered, chewing happily on a garlic drenched piece of heaven. 

“How many memes can one even eat?” Keith questioned. Shiro chuckled in response while Lance gave him a sly smirk. 

“Any meme is edible if you’re brave enough, Mullet.” 

Keith choked on his soda and Lance burst out laughing, Shiro shaking his head and helping Keith breathe again while Lance was wheezing in the corner. 

“Okay that’s enough back to the movie,” Shiro said, turning his attention to Lance for a second then back to the screen.

They all sat there, watching and munching on pizza occasionally, giving small commentary when necessary. 

Lance wasn’t that focused on the movie though when he heard soft shuffling beside him. Curious, he turned slightly to see Shiro and Keith cuddled up to each other, whispering sweet nothings and seeming to forget that they weren’t alone. Lances gut clenched, his eyes went cold and his heart plummeted. Keith looked so happy, so soft. He’d never be able to have that let alone with Keith. Shiro made Keith happy. Speaking of… Shiro looked calm, at peace, completely safe with Keith there and as Lance heard them whisper “I love you” before kissing softly, his entire world seemed to stop. 

His body froze ramrod still, eyes distant, mind racing. Holy shit I’m not over them what is this what- 

“Lance? Everything okay?” Lance snapped his head to look at Shiro so hard he thought it might’ve fallen off. 

“No- yes, I mean- yes I just need to go I’ll uh talk to you two tomorrow or something sorry I just- bye.” Lance stammered out, grabbing his jacket and phone before sprinting to the door, slamming it shut and dashing home. Fuck, he thought angrily, tears falling down his face again. 

That was three months ago, now he sits in his bathroom again staring at his group conversation with the same happy pair he’s hopelessly fallen for and has liked for months now without realising it. He had thought all that time and that day that he was jealous that Shiro got Keith and not him, but that wasn’t it. He was jealous of what they had together, and he wanted that. Wanted to be a part of that wanted to receive and reciprocate that. He did some stealthy incognito google searching and found the word that best describes this new thing with liking both Keith and Shiro at the same time; polyamorous. 

The first person he told after his own internal and external break down was Hunk, who obviously was so kind and accepting that Lance cried (again, wow, how surprising) and hugged him so tight Hunk couldn’t breathe for a second. Coran and Allura knee shortly after, and while they didn’t quite get the concept they were still accepting and he appreciated them trying and being so kind. Katie, or Pidge, forced it out of him after realising something was off and demanded to know. When he told her, voice shaky and reserved, she immediately softened and told him she was happy that he finally woke up and smelled the very gay for two lovers roses, but along with the joking her eyes held a bit of pity because she knew. She knew that him telling Keith and Shiro was going to be hard to do, but she was still supportive in the best rude quip loving way she could be. 

Lance finally told Keith and Shiro last week and they were a bit confused but after a quick google they were actually fairly chill about it. Shiro said it didn’t change how they saw him, they were still friends (almost like brothers, he said) and Keith was just a bit more soft than Lance had ever received from him in terms of saying he accepted Lance so in return to keep himself from spilling his feelings right there he made some remark on Keith showing emotion which quickly started a playful argument but Lance was grateful for the turn in events anyways. 

Though, secrets couldn’t stay secrets for long. Hunk had very quickly started to pester Lance to just tell them about his crush after Lance came out about being poly, but he just couldn’t do it and wouldn’t. He refused. No. Way. 

Yes way, as it turns out, was what he was about to do. He was currently sat in the living room of Shiro and Keith’s shared apartment, having called them there claiming he had something to tell them. Keith sat with Shiro on the other side of the living room, both watching Lance intently, waiting for him to speak. Lance swallowed harshly, butterflies buzzing around the anxiety swirling in his stomach, heart beating so loud he thought they could actually hear it. He fidgeted nervously, avoiding their eyes, before a clearing of throats drawed them back to his very real and very much so happening nightmare. Shiro looked concerned, but curious. Keith looked a bit agitated from waiting, but that curious puppy pout was there too and Lance felt his insides turn to mush again. 

God, he was so gone. Lance took in a deep breath, before letting it out slowly, looking back up at them and preparing. 

“I have to tell you two something, and it may mess up everything we have as friends and I understand if you’ll hate me but I have to tell you or else I’ll never be able to move on from it.” Lance’s hands shook, his voice was reserved but holding on. He held back tears and clenched his fists. 

“Lance, we won’t hate you. What’s wrong?” Shiro soothed. Keith nodded in agreement, giving him a look as if to say it’s okay. 

Lance wished it was, honestly. He hadn’t been okay since he realised just what he felt for them and especially wasn’t before that anyways so he can only dream. 

He took a deep breath, before ranting it out in one long exhale. “The truth is I’ve liked both of you as more than just friends for a while now without even realising it and I get it it’s weird but… but I just had to say it or else I’d never move on and this is hard to do and I get it if you hate me for this but I couldn’t help it. I tried getting over it like usual but that didn’t work and suddenly every little gesture every little domestic thing you two did was something I wanted, and I just-“ his voice broke off, vision swimming and body shaking. 

Keith and Shiro looked at each other, then back at Lance. Lance felt pathetic, weak, helpless and lost and scared and good god he really likes them so much but he’s just waiting for the rejection he knows will come but it still hurts. 

Shiro was the one to speak after that. “Lance, we don’t hate you for that.” 

“Not at all, it’s just…” Keith started, glancing at Shiro before continuing. “You’re our friend, and we’re not rejecting you, we just don’t see you as any more than that. We’re sorry, but this won’t make anything weird or affect our friendship.” 

Lance laughed painfully, looking at them with hot anger and a cold glare. “Won’t change anything? That’s the funniest joke you’ve ever told, Kogane. Also, not rejecting me? You may not be as a friend, but you are romantically and that hurts more than you know so please don’t downplay that.” 

Keith and Shiro bristled, taken aback by this side of Lance. They’d admittedly never seen him openly so hurt, scared, and angry all at once. 

“I’m sorry…” Keith murmured, holding tighter onto Shiro. Lance's chest ached, he couldn’t breathe, he had to get out. 

“It’s not your fault, guys, I get it. Just friends, that’s all cool.” Lance finger gunned and tried uselessly to smile and wipe his eyes. His tears kept falling, his smile quivered. Shiro and Keith started at him pitifully, and before he could break down in front of them or snap at them, he turned around. 

“I get it, really… I understand. By tomorrow just forget this and pretend it never happened, okay? Have a good night.” With that said, he hastily walked out and back home, tears falling freely and chest burning. Everything hurt. 

When he got home he kicked off his shoes and practically catapulted his jacket to the far corner of his room, falling unceremoniously onto his mattress and letting his mask fall, clinging desperately to his sides as if that would keep him together. His eyes burned from crying, his throat hurt from every sob that made its way out and tore through him. His lungs were actual torture as each heaving breath was never enough, nothing ever filling or satisfying his desperate need for air. His heart hurt so bad it felt shattered, and his chest was physically pained as a whole from it all. 

He doesn’t remember how long he lay there crying, but at some point he stopped; his mind went numb, almost like a dull TV static buzzing in his mind drowning out his pain. He managed to get up, change into pyjamas, and get back into bed. Before he passed out, he curled up in the fetal position around his stuffed lion, Blue, and put in his earbuds, drowning out the remnants of his thoughts trying to suffocate him. 

Everything will be fine in the morning, he thought to himself, before the crying finally took its toll and he drifted into a hazy sleep. 

The next morning wasn’t exactly great but it was something. He continued on a sort of routine of living every day, faking his happiness after all of that so as to not raise question (Hunk gave him looks and fresh made breakfast and he thanked him by playing music for his bakery every Sunday). At night though, when everything drilled and his thoughts finally caught up to him? That’s when he let the pain sink back in. He’d stay up until sunrise singing himself to sleep, soft and sad melodies and lyrics lingering in the air around him and the wishes of what he wanted so bad haunted his once peaceful yet restless dreams. 

He was taking his time, moving on wouldn’t come easy when all he wanted was two people who would never reciprocate or give him the kind of affection he wanted or let him give them it in return the way he wanted, but he was getting there. Even if he still cries every night and lies awake thinking of them, he believes- or, likes to believe so that he doesn’t fall apart completely- that he’ll meet his people one day, even if it’s not the ones who have his heart so torn.

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me on my tumblr @lmnomo (with a lowercase L) and check out my other works on here :)


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